"After many days had gone by, the Jews conspired to kill him. "When he came to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple." Acts 9:23, 26
Saul (Paul) really did not have it very easy, as evidenced by these two verses separated by just two verses and a couple of days. He was hated and feared, but, not by the same group of people. The Jews hated him, but really didn't fear him; they more felt threatened by him since he had become a follower of The Way. The believers, specifically the disciples; didn't so much hate him as they feared him, because they didn't trust him, because they weren't convinced he was really a follower of The Way. What an awkward position to be in. He was being treated like a traitor and phony at the same time. He must have spent a lot of time in prayer from the overwhelming sense of being misunderstood. Actually, the Jews had it right in their minds according to their own misguided understanding. Here a persecutor of the believers becomes a defender of the believers. It took Paul awhile to convince the believers that he was for real.
Being misunderstood is hard. I wonder if at some point he had to say that he understood why the believers didn't trust him. After all he just weeks earlier was breathing murderous threats against them. It takes awhile for reputations to change in the minds of those who don't want to see that change. I have recently shared with more than one person about the transformation in another person's life and have it be extremely difficult to accept. We not only are resistant to change, we also are even more resistant to others changing. You see, when I know you don't like me, it is easier to deal with you than if you say you now like me, and don't trust you. I trusted that you didn't like me. It is as if I am more comfortable with someone not liking me than I am with them changing. Weird, huh?
Paul sure understands being misunderstood. He indeed did suffer for changing. This made him the perfect spokesperson for transformation. He also is a stellar example of needing to be a true disciple. He did not play the victim card. (Can you hear a thousand violins?) Oh sure, from time to time he laid it on the line, what he had been through, but not because he was trying to get sympathy. He was trying to get to the truth, which is not easy, especially when it comes to people. Why? You know.... people are funny and totally unpredictable. Why, because they have two natures? They are in conflict. At the same time we humans can be tenderhearted and turn around and be mean-spirited. Often because of a misunderstanding or something totally unrelated. This is how we are. The sooner we admit it, confess it, and get over it again, the better.
When we read Paul's writings it should help us to better understand others and ourselves. If you are in denial about your own 'bad self', then you certainly won't get what is going on with others. Oh how often my counsel to many is.... "This is really not about you." We want it to be, but it is not. If Paul had made this about him and how nobody understood him and how it wasn't fair instead of owning up for the pickle he was in, he probably wouldn't have been chosen for the job. Paul got out of himself and saw himself and obeyed Christ in him. Not easy, but the right thing to do. Look at how it turned around. Amazing. We too, can have this experience if we will make who we are more important than how we feel about whatever. I have to remind myself all the time in order to not get in His way of using me. Give this some thought; there is a deep principle here that can give us all a much more objective perspective.
With His Grace,
Pastor Fred
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