I wrote a devotional for families about 12 years ago and recently I used some of these same principles in another context to help develop a healthy communication relationship with a teen and it did help. I can’t tell you how rewarding it was to have positive Biblical parenting skills reaffirmed for me. Just because it seems like something that was right didn’t really work, it is still true and still right. The principles of life don’t change, whether they succeed or not they remain the principles of life. “The proof is in the pudding” is only partially true, it is the recipe that is important because of all the extraneous factors that determine what people decide, the hugest of which is their own free will. Enjoy this revealing and convicting slice of my life and what I was writing about parenting over a decade ago.
Proverbs 20:7 NKJV "The righteous man walks in integrity, his children are blessed after him."
"Mom!!!" Jason whined, (you know the sound, the one that starts way up high and then dips way down low then comes about halfway up and takes 3-4 seconds). This classic response was given to one word that Mom had said, the word was NO. Specifically, NO you can't go to that movie. "Why???" Jason groaned with pretty much the same tone but with a whimper added at the end this time. Then some of the following statements were made, not necessarily in any order with varying degrees of whining used to express varying degrees of frustration:
1. "It's not fair."
2. "You don't understand."
3. "You don't care."
4. "I never get to do anything."
5. "You still haven't told me why."
Then Mom says, "Jason, we have standards for what we allow and don't allow. This is a matter of values, and we cannot compromise our integrity. The answer is NO and that is my final answer". Jason makes one more statement from the above list and storms out.
We've all had these types of conversations and seem to be having them more and more often these days. Maybe the real question should be, what is integrity? Why is integrity such a big deal? Simply put, integrity is personal honesty, being true to your values or principles. Integrity is being consistent by Biblical standards. As unpopular as it seems to be by societal standards, we, as Christians, must uphold our moral absolutes.
Note to Parents: Part of the problem of communicating about these values is that we are sometimes inconsistent and even hypocritical about them. Remember the old saying "Do as I say, not as I do"? Or how about this one, "What you are doing speaks so loud, I can't hear what you are saying". It sure is easier to spot hypocrisy than it is to deal with it personally. This is an extremely difficult situation no matter how good of an example you may be.
Back to our story and illustration. Jason and his Mom are at a real impasse. To give permission or not is an everyday phenomena and frankly, there is no easy solution. Here is a short list of advisories for both parties:
For Jason
1. The fewer words you say at some point the better.
2. Not seeing a movie that your parents don't approve of is really not the end of the world.
3. Maybe you should think first before asking. I have heard recently that young people would rather apologize than ask permission.
4. Did you ask yourself whether the movie was an acceptable choice or are you just making your parents be the bad guys because you don't want to take responsibility to say NO to your friends?
5. Try to imagine being a parent someday and addressing this same question with your child.
For Mom & Dad
1.Make sure that the movie is really as bad as you may think. Sometimes the ratings are not the best indicator of the issues you may be most concerned about, (Reviews are available from lots of Christian resources and websites, other parents you trust, etc., etc.
2. Hopefully, you do not try to set these moral absolute issues over wearing green tennis shoes with red socks. Remember to major on the majors and minor on the minors.
3. Be careful not to overreact to what your kid says in frustration.
4. Maybe to offer alternatives for compromise purposes. How about offering to take your kid to "wherever or whatever" is appropriate instead.
5. Maybe if you read a review together and discussed in particular what is compromising our integrity, might make a difference.
In conclusion, let's not destroy one another over disagreements. Parents must set guidelines and children must obey them. That too is a Biblical standard. Integrity is a lot easier to talk about than it is to live. Don't compromise and don't be inconsistent. When you mess up, say so. That is integrity too. Try to mix as much grace as possible with your rules. Remember, that is what Our Father does for us.
His Love and Mine,
Pastor Fred
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Inspiring read for the day! Thanks for sharing!!
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