The Panting Soul

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you O God." Psalm 42:1

I am returning from a couple of days of soul searching. I have been all over the spectrum of my life's experiences, from sentimental melancholia to confrontation of some unforgiveness in my heart. I had decided to spend some time visiting some of the places of my past and trying to tie up some loose ends with my feelings and plans and expectations, especially as related to the last ten years. So I started up the coast and swung through Seal Beach where for less than a year Dawn and I lived in a transitional time in our lives (between ministries). We loved that community right on the beach, but for some reason ended up in Brea and Anaheim working for Nutri-System and not the store close to where we wanted to be.

Between Seal Beach and Long Beach is a shopping center called Marina Pacifica, which is flourishing, where the Nutri-System store used to be. When Dawn and I left Calimesa and accepted a call to serve at Immanuel Baptist Church in Long Beach, I had always sensed that the location of the church in Belmont Heights was trapped (no parking, antiquated facility, overwhelming deferred maintenance issues and a reputation from the church's history that was difficult to address) My vision was to relocate in the shopping center because the church property had value at the time and the shopping center was at that time in disrepair. Today the shopping center is booming and the church is in further disrepair and the sign out front (mind you this is 20+ years ago that we were there) well the sign says that the church will reopen in March as a Chrysalis Center for Human Growth and Understanding. Somewhat heartbreaking as we saw the group there flourish, and grow, and start to gel, but the entrenched indifferent got an 'edifice complex' and we had to go.

As I read this Psalm, I realized that no matter how much I saw that vision so crystal clear and knew what the trends were in the community that it was not to be. As Psalm 42 says later in the verses that the writer remembered leading the worship procession and there was excitement and expectation. My soul has always been saddened by this turn of events. I must accept that sometimes we just have to roll with what God does because of the limitations of man. I stood on the corner of 3rd and Obispo in Long Beach and praise God for the good He had done and allowed me to be part of in that community. Even though what I saw didn't happen, I knew that God had accomplished what He brought us there to do. Not an easy few minutes to touch that sign and pray for protection and renewal for that work and deliverance from the confusion.

What I long for and desire must be dictated by my foremost commitment to thirst and hunger for what God wants (pant with thirst for it you want it so bad) and what He does regardless of what I want and think I can do. He has done so many wonderful things in and through my life that I should never question or second-guess what could have been. So we move on and we claim His grace and we continue to trust Him for everything. No matter what it seems we are up against. Whether the tide of opposition or the lack of vision or funding, we will trust Him for His work. It helped me immensely to make more peace with that process. But I know how these sons of Korah feel who were the worship leaders that wrote this Psalm and the next six. They had seen the heyday and the day of reckoning and though it is disturbing they praised the Lord. As the Word puts it, 'I will yet praise Him, My Savior and My God.'

Today as you consider your past, present and future I pray that these words will encourage you to make peace with what was, accept what is and anticipate with hope what God will yet do and praise Him for all of it. In Him, Pastor Fred

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