"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?" James 4:1
Ten times or more in the last week I have given counsel that says, "I think this is really about you, or, Sounds like they might be dealing with some other issues." Seriously folks, doesn’t it seem that most stuff is about something else? Play along with me for a moment. Consider the following:
Is it possible that some "funny looks" I’ve gotten could have simply been indigestion? Maybe people aren’t bored during sermons, maybe they really are sleepy? What if you just lashed out at me because you don’t have a dog to kick?
James is suggesting that the overwhelming majority of our tiffs and squabbles are actually about our own inner conflicts that are inside all of us. Let’s be honest. Wait….that’s the problem, we aren’t honest about what is going on inside of us and we are overly sensitive to what people say because of what is going on inside us. Very interesting. The reason we have these strained relationships is a reflection of the unresolved conflict within ourselves. I believe it is far more true than we realize. Every day I watch people experience misunderstanding, rejection, hurt feelings, awkward moments, and unnecessary reactions because they interpret the words and actions of others as if they were about them and not about something else. This is the substance of drama. For the most part, totally unsubstantiated and unfounded reactions to weak interpretations of other’s inner issues.
I am embarrassed to say how often I fall prey to the enemies nagging temptations to take things the wrong way. So here is my counsel regarding this matter.
Don’t presume the worst, Listen carefully, Don’t overreact, Ask for clarification, Don’t spread your possible misunderstandings, PRAY about everything, Don’t be overly sensitive, Let people know when you are tired, grumpy, incontinent, distracted, or under duress, Cut everybody a little slack.
Just maybe we would lighten the drama factor a little. James might ask us to deal with ourselves so we don’t cause so much misunderstanding.
Peace,
Pastor Fred
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Painfully true, Pastor Fred! I just put a post on FB to that effect, regarding some of my "misdirected anger" that caused a 50-year interruption of a close relationship! Always identify the source of the anger, and fix it before there are nested problems like this.
ReplyDeleteWell, I’m sure glad I (“I” would be italicized if I knew how to on here) never fall prey to the enemy’s nagging temptations to take things the wrong way. I mean, what is WRONG with you people!? I’M KIDDING!! I’ve been one of the worst among the kind. What kind? The “easily offended” kind. Funny thing – before I knew God I really don’t think I was so easily offended, but since entering into a relationship with Him, I became quite sensitive to the thoughts and words of others (I was self-conscious about the changes taking place in my life). Over the past several years, it seems as though few people close to me could say anything right (unless, of course, what they said was dripping in praise)! I was offended when they accused me of being “holier than thou” so I tried to stop mentioning anything “God” related. Then I was offended when I was accused of not being righteous enough, or hypocritical, or worse. “Time to just shut up and say nothing,” was what I finally decided. I was tired of feeling offended. Well, then I was abandoning everyone’s needs by retreating into my own world. I think the description of me then became “selfish.” My head began to spin within the last six months when it finally hit me like a box of chocolates – I was worried too much about pleasing people and not worried enough about pleasing God. It wasn’t that everyone else was always saying everything wrong; I was just interpreting it all wrong and worrying myself to death with what they thought.
ReplyDeleteHow liberating life becomes when we stop giving so much control and power to other people! I finally realized that I’m probably going to make a lot of people mad or uncomfortable, but instead of focusing my energies on how I’m making people feel, I’ve opted for focusing on how I’m making GOD feel…which has been well received by many and not so well received by some. For so long, it truly was unresolved conflict within myself that generated such intense feelings of offense. It wasn’t necessarily others who didn’t accept my decision to live for Christ; it was me who had trouble accepting it. Thank you, Pastor, for addressing an issue that is so prevalent in our everyday walk! I’m reminded to keep my focus on Him and let myself be changed by His loving touch. I pray that I see people and situations through His gracious eyes and not my own! Again, thank you for another inspiring devotional!